Bye Vimeo

I don't love Vimeo anymore.
I felt like such an outsider amongst the late teen and 20-something crowd that makes up the majority of the active members.
I couldn't find a way to delete the account, so I just took my clips off and "un-contacted" everyone I had on my list.
It was fun thinking I might fit in and even make some cool movie clips, but I'll just settle for watching others' now and then.

Burn baby burn

Borders is officially out. I've burned another bridge.
I am so good at that.

I have all my eggs in the hospital basket now. If I don't get that job I am A) totally screwed and 2) clueless about what I'm going to do next. I have to have faith. They sent my reference requests out, and as far as I know, everyone who got one (i.e. Jenn and Cindie) shouldn't be an issue. I'd imagine that due to compay policy Jenn said very little, and I'd also imagine that Cindie gushed about me as much as possible. She's a good egg.
If they had an applicant with a degree in Health Information Technology I suppose he or she would unseat me, but barring that, I feel like I will most likely get it. I'm just extremely nervous right now because Alicia told me to expect a two week turn around on a decision, and two weeks is up on Wednesday. Monday and Tuesday are going to be killers; looking at the phone and doing voodoo on it to try to make it ring. I'm going to go crazy.

What am I good at?

Today I am trying to figure out what I'm actually good at. If you would have asked me last week I would have said I was a pretty decent photographer, but today I'm not so sure.
I submitted 10 photos to Shutterstock and got rejected on all 10 of them. On your first submission you must submit exactly 10 photos and they must accept 7 of the 10 in order for you to be 'taken on' as a photographer. Otherwise they disable your ability to upload for 3 months and they ask you to 'work on your skills' and try again.
Well, I suppose I can be comforted by the fact that 7 of them were rejected due to visible noise on the full size version. I didn't check for that. I just assumed they'd be okay if they looked good at normal viewing size. WRONG. They have to be perfect.
I didn't take them with stock photography in mind, but as an artistic outlet, so of course they aren't perfect. Plus I tend to sharpen too much. I HAVE to ease up on that. At first I was rather upset by their rejection, but with a cooler head and some reading in their forums it's clear that they just want a certain type and quality for their customers so they will continue to shop for photos with them and those customers can be confident that they won't have to waste time wading through junk or sub-par images, but will only be presented with the highest quality images. That makes sense. And again, those photos were not taken with a perfectionists microscope in mind, and frankly they just aren't saleable stock photographs. I get that now.
Six months ago I would have deleted my account and burned that bridge as well, and just been pissed off with a "how dare they" attitude. A year ago I would have curled into a ball and wept softly into a pillow while I vowed to never take another photograph. Today, I see it from a business perspective, just as they intend it, and with no hard feelings and an attitude of "something to learn from" I maturely accept it, and now have to decide if I wish to attempt to take such photographs that will fit their criteria. Maybe. Either way I am pleased with myself for being mature enough to accept the rejection and not take it personally. The bastards.
I've read a million times in articles and books about both writing and photography that you're going to get rejected 1000 times, and it doesn't mean that you suck, it just means that your work is not what that particular entity is looking for. It's easy to nod in agreement and say "of course" to yourself, but it's only when it happens to you that you can actually see if you can handle it or not.
It looks like I can.

So back to "What DO I do well?" --

I think many of my photographs are above average and have artistic merit. A few may even be saleable in a non-commercial environment. I think I have taken some great portraits. I think that's where my strong point is, and that's definitely not the kind of thing that is of interest to anyone but the photographee.

I think I used to have an above average ability to write prose. I'm so out of practice that it would take me a year of very hard work to get back to a level where something I write could be published by a magazine or newspaper, but the raw ability is still there. I think.

With those two in mind, perhaps journalism was my forte. Too late now.

What else?

Nothing really. I'm a "Jack of all Trades", and master of none. I can play the guitar a little bit, but not well enough that someone would stop me and say "HEY you're pretty good!"
I can do a lot of things a little bit. Enough to show a past, or passing interest, but there's nothing I'm really great at.
This disturbs me.
More all the time.

I have to figure it out.

Detour

I put off the Borders interview. I called Lindsay and asked her if we could postpone it.
She has SUCH a nice sweet voice and she seems like an amazingly nice person. I hated to do it, but I've hit a little detour on the road to Borders.
What is it you ask? Why would I suddenly put off this interview after hoping so hard for it?

Well I'll tell you.

This morning I got a call from the hospital. I'd all but given up on them. I applied for my old job in Medical Records almost 2 weeks ago and figured I would have at least heard something by now. When I didn't and I started to get itchy and anxious and almost panic, that's when I started this Borders process.
So after waiting 2 weeks to call me, things will evidently move along quite briskly in that I have an interview tomorrow afternoon already, and with 3 different people to boot. First with just the HR manager and then with 2 women, one of which used to be the head of all of medical records, and by her involvement in this I'll have to assume she still is. The other I do not know.

They sent me a 4 page application to fill out. I guess the online version was just preliminary. This larger one is of course much more comprehensive and it's taking me quite a while to get it done. The reason I postponed Borders was also because I needed to go shopping. I needed shoes and a new blazer. I had enough fair clothing to get me through a Borders interview (where there is no dress code on the job) but there was no way I could pull off a professonal level interview with the clothes I had. My old boss who I will be interviewing with used to look like she just came from Madison Avenue. Fantastic wardrobes. I of course won't have to dress like that for the job, but you're supposed to dress at least a level higher than the job's regular dress code. I had to settle for a neutral gray sportcoat to go wtih my black tailored pants. I had no time for alterations, and pants are always the hard part for me, so I had to stick with a pair I luckily had in the closet that fit well and are still in great shape. All of the internet articles on the subject suggest a black suit, but I'm going to have to make this work. I saw Ricky Ricardo wearing this combination of colors today and he looked good as ever, so I think I'll probably be okay.

The scary part is that they're going to talk to me 2 at once. I hate that. I like the idea of getting it all over with, but I hate group interviews. My strong point is establishing a one on one relationship with my interviewer. Dealing with 2 of them at once is exponentially harder.
They're also likely to test me on medical terminology. I'm 10 years rusty with no chance to brush up. I remember some such test existing before, but it was for current employees. Maybe they won't make me do it. The job listing on the website says "medical terminology helpful" not required, and I'm sure I haven't forgotten everything, so again, I'll probably be okay.

I think my best course of action is the old "keep your eyes on the prize" mantra. If I can pull this off, and I think I can, I will be in a situation I've wanted to be in for 10 years. I used to love this job as a temp. Back to second shift, good pay, great benefits, super people to interact with who are intelligent and interesting and have opinions on things. Educated people who read. A sense of pride in what I do and the feeling like I'm doing my part to make a difference. Yeah, this is going to be great.

HELP!

Eternal Sunshine

I saw "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" tonight. Yes, I know, I'm behind the times, but I finally saw it. I think I may have a new favorite movie. I just can't think of anything I didn't like about it.
Story was great, photography and production were fantastic, Jim Carrey is always amazing and I adore Kate Winslet and her American accent. I think I may have to put that one on the "buy" list. It seems to be one of those movies that gets better as it matures within you, and I'd bet that I missed quite a bit the first time through.
Anyway, check it out. I loved it.

Lunch with Cindie today. I can't think of anyone easier to talk to. She is so open and willing to share the personal details of her life, and makes me so comfortable opening up. I've talked with her about things that are pretty deep inside me. Things I've never talked to anyone else about. Things I don't think I COULD talk to anyone else about. She's good for my head. I hope I get to meet up with her now and then. She and her husband are trying to get pregnant, so her entire life will change dramatically if that happens, and then I'll lose touch with her I'm sure, as she'll be too busy and exhausted to spend time on me, and it wouldn't be right to ask. So I want to take advantage of the situation as it stands right now and see her as much as I can before I lose her to a much more important phase of her life.

The big interview tomorrow. Me and Lindsay face to face.
I've read about this inventory team job online in more detail, and apparently some stores run that crew during the hours of 6am-2pm Monday through Friday. Wow.
Getting to Harrisburg by 6 won't be easy at first, but I love the idea of being finished by 2, and weekends off?? In retail?? Wow again.
Still nothing from the hospital, so I really have to put my eggs in this basket.
I need to work hard and make them love me and move up in the ranks as quickly as possible so I can earn a wage that I can live with, and then hang on with both hands.

Tonight does't seem as dark as last night, or the night before, or the night before...

I love Vimeo

Subway dance

View this clip on Vimeo

One for the Books

I've been trying to decide if I want to work at Borders. Change is definitely due and I just know that I'm going to end up working in some sort of retail environment, so I've been thinking that it may as well be somewhere I enjoy being a customer.
For a while I didn't want to work there because I enjoy visiting there so much and it would ruin one of my joys. But the more I thought about it, after getting away from Harrisburg I don't really go there much anyway, so this would give me a chance to get back into the area, and also work in a job that I think I may actually enjoy.
So yesterday I went to Borders and behold, a sign on the door declared that they are hiring. This is actually the first time I've ever seen such a sign there, so perhaps it was a sign of what's meant to be.
I was like a prowler. I wandered around the store for more than an hour, watching the employees, watching the supervisors, watching the customers and how they all behaved and interacted. I have to admit there wasn't a lot of chipper banter going around, but all the co-workers seemed to be at least pleasant, especially to the customers.
I wanted to see how many stupid questions came up, and I hoped to see someone try to return something. I just wanted to get the feel of the job. So after perusing for as long as I felt comfortable (because the employees were starting to look at me funny because each time they looked at me I was looking at them), and then went to a cute young lady at the info desk to ask for the application. She was tremendously friendly and gave me a card outlining the procedure for applying online.
When I got home I went through the process (whew - long!) which included a 37 page personality test. Most of it was common sense stuff ("It's okay to swear at someone you are arguing with," "Strongly Agree-Agree-Disagree-Strongly Disagree" Duh. Mostly it was to ask you the same questions in different ways to try and trip you up. I was untrippable. It's pretty clever actually. They have a whole personality profile on you before you ever talk to them. Neat.

So less than a day later, I got a call to come in for an interview. A very pleasant and young sounding woman named Lindsay set up an appointment with me on Thursday. I applied for a "Bookseller" position with the hopes of quickly making my way into a supervisor's job. Lindsay asked me already on the phone if I would be interested in the Inventory Process position in the store. So apparently that's the job I'm interviewing for, although she said we'd talk about it at length on Thursday. Maybe they are both a possibility, I'm not sure. We'll see.
From what I can tell the Invetory Processing guys are the ones that open all the boxes that come through the store and get new stock ready for the floor and process outgoing stock to ship back to the distributor. The website explains it as such:

The Inventory Process Team supports the management team and whole store functions by working within a team to complete the inventory process by executing daily flow of product to and from the sales floor. Exceptional customer service skills along with strong organizational, problem solving, and communication skills are critical to success in this role.

So it's not where I was hoping to start, but it's a foot in the door. And again, I don't even know if that's my only option. It's all still a big "we'll see"

The best part is, I WILL have a job there. I haven't ever interviewed for a job that I didn't get. I'm a great interview, and I can tell already that Lindsay is just the kind of person who will appreciate my humor laced professionalism. Go me.

Thank goodness this didn't take long. I was getting slightly nervous after I didn't hear back from the hospital.
After I get a supervisor's job I can finally move back up there. I miss being near stuff.

More as it develops.

Go

I've decided to keep a seperate public friendly blog, because very occasionally I wish to share info or events with people I actually know. So here you go.